Eternal Flame
by StarsHollowGazette2010
Summary: After Fiddler on the Roof, Luke follows through on his promise to leave Stars Hollow in the event of a break up.


**Okay, guys, I'm back. I have to admit, the responses I got for my post series fic Overjoyed completely blew me away. I'm so glad that so many of you continue to enjoy it, and it kind of intimidated me to continuing to write.**

 **I've had this storyline floating around in my head FOREVER. (And by that I mean, since Jews and Chinese Food originally aired a million years ago), but could never quite get a handle on it. I recently went into the depths of my computer and found an outline that I'd created years ago, and made some significant edits and changes. So far I only have this chapter written, and I hope there will be enough interest in the story for me to continue.**

 **I will forever be a fan of Luke and Lorelai, and they continue to live on in reruns and in our creative, Stars Hollow loving hearts! And...here we go, picking up as soon as the curtains went down on Stars Hollow Elementary School's 2005 production of Fiddler on the Roof.**

When the show was over, Lorelai and Luke both moved slowly through their tasks, neither particularly wanting to return to their dark, silent homes. Lorelai folded and refolded Yenta's dress at least three times, while Luke arranged the tools into his toolbox meticulously, both trying to sneak glances at the other without being caught.

After the sixth time Luke darted his eyes away from Lorelai, he closed his toolbox and stood. "Uh, have a good night," he said awkwardly.

Lorelai glanced at him and offered him a hollow smile. "Yeah, you too."

Every instinct inside of him screamed that he had to leave, but he instead found himself stepping towards her. "Look...I'm sorry," he offered.

He thought he saw hope flash in her eyes, but when she blinked it was gone. He'd probably imagined it. "For sneaking the boat out of your garage," he clarified. "You were right, I should have told you."

Lorelai's gaze was blank for a moment as if she was expecting him to continue. When he didn't, she squared her shoulders and stared down at her feet as she so often did when uncomfortable. "Don't worry about it," she said flatly. "I have to go."

"Hey." He followed her, intercepting her on the steps of the school. "You okay?" His voice was soft and concerned.

"Fine," she said shortly. "Not like you care."

"Lorelai," he said softly. "Of course I care. I'll always care."

"Don't say that," she pleaded. "I can't...you can't care."

He looked at her closely, his eyes boring into hers and hating the pain he saw reflecting back at him. "Look," he said. "Can we-"

"No," Lorelai cut him off. "I can't...I've already heard everything you have to say. I don't need to hear it again."

Familiar with her desire to remain independent, even during the most turbulent times in her life, Luke sighed in defeat. "Fine," he said, waving a hand in her direction. "Night."

He started the short walk back to the diner, but stopped short when he heard her call his name. When he turned back around, she was slowly walking towards him, her arms folded protectively over her chest. He waited patiently until she was right in front of him, tilting his head to the side until she was ready to speak.

"Why did you do this?" she asked softly, her eyes searching his. "Town events, kids, Kirk...you hate all of this stuff. Why were you willing to spend an entire evening doing this? Building the set and watching this play...it's not you."

Luke set his free hand on his hip, the fingers of his other hand clenching tighter around his toolbox as he fought the urge to reach for her. After a long moment, he shook his head. "Isn't it obvious, Lorelai?" Her blank stare told him it wasn't, and he sighed deeply before he confessed, "I'd do anything you wanted me to."

Lorelai's eyes widened in surprise, but her face quickly morphed into realization. "You would," she said in awe. "You're still...you."

Luke nodded, offering her a tentative smile. "You've always been able to rope me into insane things. I can't seem to say no to you."

Lorelai didn't return his smile. "Except when I ask for a second chance," she stated flatly.

Luke's smile dropped and he absently rubbed a hand over his neck. "Look, I didn't handle things right," he said.

Lorelai's spine stiffened defensively. "It's fine," she said. "I'll be fine."

Her hollow words made him flash back to her front yard, clutching his massage tape in his hand as he listened to her put the final nail in the coffin of their relationship. He swallowed hard, wishing he hadn't accepting her words so easily. Why had he just walked away without protest?

"If you never need anything…" Luke trailed off, letting the words hang thickly in the air between them.

Lorelai nodded slowly. "I know," she said. She stared up at the stars for a moment before she commented, "I should never have taken it for granted."

"What?" Luke asked, unconsciously stepping closer to her.

"All of it," Lorelai said. "You, our relationship, the last night we spent together. Even our last kiss was so pathetic, in the kitchen door when I was distracted by Rory and Cop Rock. I guess I assumed there would be more, but...now I just wish I remembered it better. I wish I had a do over."

Luke was so close now that he could feel the heat radiating off of her body. "A do over, huh?" he asked in a deep voice.

Lorelai swallowed hard as she dared to meet his eyes, her hands finding their way to his shoulders on their own volition. "Yeah," she whispered, feeling his hands appear on her hips and pull her closer. "Just one."

Their eyes remained locked for a moment, and then he leaned in to kiss her, savoring the feeling of her soft lips against his. She responded eagerly, wrapping her arms tightly around his neck as she pressed herself against him.

Logically, she knew this was a bad idea. She'd spent weeks trying to erase him from her mind, and here she was, making out with him in the middle of the town square. She tried to get herself to pull away, to run home and lock herself in her emotions, but then Luke's fingers found their way into her hair, holding her close, and she was lost.

When they pulled apart a few moments later, panting and filled with desire, Luke reached his hand around to stroke her cheek. "Lorelai…" He didn't need to finish the question when she closed her eyes and nuzzled her cheek against his fingers.

"Yes," she breathed, starting to tug him towards the diner.

He remained stubbornly in place, causing her to turn and look at him. "If you're not sure…" he said.

"I'm sure," she said. "Please, Luke, it doesn't have to mean anything. It's just...I want to remember. I want to do this so I can remember our last time."

Her words rang in his ears and he knew he should be the responsible one. But her eyes were pleading, desire and hope mixed together to replace the emptiness he'd seen the past few times he'd seen her. With a deep breath he nodded and took her outstretched hand, knowing that he wanted to be able to remember them together just as much as she did.

The toolbox was dropped the second they entered the diner, and they stumbled towards the stairs in a tangle of limbs, already pawing at each other's clothing. His hat landed somewhere on the staircase, and her jacket was tossed on the floor outside the door. Once they were inside the apartment, Lorelai kicked the door closed behind them as she tugged desperately at the buttons on his shirt.

"Lorelai…" he murmured into her mouth, pulling back gently to help her trembling fingers. "We have time."

"I want you so bad," she breathed, her voice soft and filled with desire. "God, Luke, it's been too long."

He swallowed hard as he looked down at her, telling him to memorize everything about this moment. He'd spent years dreaming of her, and now that he knew this was the last time he'd see her like this, filled with desire for him, he made sure to commit every breath, touch, and blink of her eyes into memory.

"We have all night," he murmured, nuzzling his face into her neck. "Let's make it last."

He both felt and heard Lorelai's breath hitch, but then she turned her head to whisper in his ear, "You can have me however you want me."

With that, it was all Luke could do to get them to the bed before he had his way with her.

XXXXX

Hours later, Lorelai lay on her back in Luke's bed, staring at the ceiling as he snored softly beside her. She played with the top of the blanket that covered their bare bodies from the winter chill, contemplating her next move.

She sighed and turned onto her side, reaching a tentative hand out to stroke over Luke's cheek. He looked peaceful as he let out a soft puff of air and tightened his arm around her waist, unconsciously pulling her closer. Lorelai adjusted herself slightly, knowing that she had to go, that she shouldn't even have been in his bed in the first place, but unwilling to let herself leave the security and warmth of his embrace.

This wasn't what she had wanted to happen. She hadn't even realized how much she needed to say goodbye to their relationship in this way until their conversation outside of the high school. But then he'd offered her that small smile and she was gone, needing to spend one more moment in his arms to remember everything about him.

When he'd started to undress her, she'd been uncharacteristically self-conscious as she realized that she wasn't wearing anything remotely sexy-her lingerie drawer had been closed for weeks, as she'd been so convinced that she'd never need them again without Luke in her life. But Luke had simply shaken his head, told her she was beautiful, and stripped her clean of her white cotton panties and utilitarian beige bra.

He'd then proceeded to make love to her in a way that left her toes curling and her hands twisting the bedsheets, moaning his name into the darkness of the night. Luke had always been an attentive lover, making sure that all of her needs were met, and this time had been no different. But once she'd come down from her high and pushed him onto his back, he had been an eager recipient of her ministrations, clutching her hips and kissing her deeply as she'd brought him to his release.

There hadn't been much talking. Once they were basking in the aftermath of their pleasure, Luke had pulled the covers up over them and traced his fingers over her stomach, once in a while brushing over her breasts as she'd watched him quietly. Eventually he'd drifted into sleep, his arm still draped over her middle, as she lay awake wondering how on earth she could leave.

But suddenly, a horrible thought washed over her, a prediction of what he would think in the approaching morning hours. Regret, stumbled apologies, affirmation that they were for sure broken up and he never wanted to see her again...there was no way she could survive that. It had been difficult enough to hear it in Doose's, to watch him leave her front yard without a single goodbye. She couldn't do that again, she couldn't let herself be crushed like she'd never been crushed before.

So Lorelai Gilmore did what she was best at.

She ran.

With one last look at a slumbering Luke, she slid from the bed and gathered her clothes, pulling them on haphazardly. Finding an old invoice receipt, she scribbled a quick note and left it on the kitchen table before she took one last look around the apartment, lingering on the figure sleeping in the bed before she left, closing the door behind her with a near silent click, effectively ending the memory of her last night with Luke.

It had been perfect.

XXXXX

Luke realized he'd slept in when he felt the sun hit his face. Usually awake before dawn, he rarely slept after the sun. He'd installed blinds when Lorelai had started sleeping over, one of several adjustments he'd made to his apartment, and his life, when they'd finally embarked on their relationship.

Lorelai.

The thought of her caused him to turn over to her side of the bed, eager to find her beside him once again.

With a frown, he realized that not only was her side of the bed empty, it was cold. His brain clouded with sleep, he turned back to the bathroom, but saw that the door was open to a dark space. Sitting up, he noticed that her jeans were gone from the floor where he'd thrown them the night before, and he realized with a sinking feeling that she was gone.

Sighing deeply, Luke swung his legs over the bed and shuffled to the bathroom, digging through his laundry before he found a pair of sweatpants. Without bothering with a t-shirt, he moved towards the kitchen, hoping a glass of water would help him figure out his next move. Should he call her? Go to her house? Give her space? Had she ever been here at all, or had it all been an incredible dream.

He was halfway through his water when he saw the small scrap of paper on the kitchen table. It was filled with her loopy handwriting, and he slowly set his glass on the counter, eyeing the note suspiciously. He had no idea what she was feeling-the note could be a cheerful reminder that she would see him for lunch, or a slap in the face that the night before had been a mistake, and he wasn't sure he was ready to read whatever it was she'd written.

After a moment of staring the note down, Luke finally snatched it out from under the salt shaker and held it in the morning light streaming through the window above the sink.

 _Luke-_

 _I'm so sorry I roped you into this. I know you want out of this relationship, and I know that I told you that I'd stay away. I'm sorry I couldn't hold my end of the bargain, but I promise that this is it. I have my memory, and now I owe it to you to give you what you want. A normal, routine, Lorelai free life. I'll stay away from you, the diner, wherever you may be._

 _Thank you for indulging me one last time. I hope you'll find someone who works for you, a girl who doesn't lie to you or try to convince you to be in a relationship when you don't want to be. You deserve that, and I hope you find it. I'm just sorry that I can't be that person for you. I wish I could have been._

 _I'm sorry for everything._

 _Lorelai_

Luke read the note three times before he slammed it onto the counter and stormed towards his closet, determined to distract himself with the breakfast rush.

Ten minutes later, when Taylor Doose walked into the door of the diner, Luke was almost relieved. Taylor would inevitably say something ridiculous, and then Luke could let all his frustrations out on the town's control freak of a selectman.

"Oh, Luke, good," Taylor said, approaching the counter and holding out a stack of papers. "I have the minutes from the town meeting of August 28th here."

"So?" Luke snapped.

"Well...I have to say, it's a little disappointing that you haven't followed through on your promise," Taylor commented.

"What promise?" Luke asked.

"The promise you made during the August 28th town meeting, of course," Taylor said as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

Luke wracked his brain as he tried to even remember the last town meeting he'd been to, but came up empty. "August was six months ago, Taylor, and unlike you I don't have time to memorize the transcripts of every meeting," he said. "Can you remind me or is that against some sort of town bylaw?"

"It's right here, Luke, on page 8," Taylor said, flipping to a section highlighted in yellow. "You gave me your word, although I asked Patty to strike the middle fingers comment."

Luke snatched the papers out of Taylor's hand, but halfway through the motion, the memory came to him like lightning.

 _"If we break up, I'll leave close down the diner. I'll leave Stars Hollow and the entire town can be pink."_

 _"There's not going to be any break up."_

 _"You still in?"_

Taylor looked at Luke carefully, then said, "You said you would leave town so the economy isn't affected by your breakup with Lorelai, but there are still a lot of blue ribbons floating around town."

Luke tossed the sheaf of papers back onto the counter. "Are you ordering anything?" he asked.

"Well, not yet, but if you don't comply with your own promise, I may have to order you out of town," Taylor commented.

"I'd like to see you try," Luke scoffed. He grabbed a couple of plates from the window and swung around Taylor, ignoring the papers on the counter in the same way he ignored the note on his table upstairs.

"Luke, I have to say, that it's very disappointing you're not following through," Taylor said. "And it wouldn't surprise me if your diner started to see a steep decline in customers. Not like there was excellent service before, but since your breakup with Lorelai, it's been even worse."

"Get out, Taylor," Luke said out of habit, and was relieved when Taylor followed through without protest. But as the door slammed closed behind him, Luke noticed that the town meeting notes were staring up at him from the counter, the yellow highlights screaming up at him. Swallowing hard, Luke looked down at the paper, remembered the pit in his stomach that had been growing since he'd woken up that morning, and suddenly knew that he had to do something.

"Caesar!" he shouted as he turned towards the kitchen. "We need to talk."

XXXXX

"Lorelai?"

Sookie's voice was concerned, and Lorelai snapped to attention with a fake smile. "Sorry, Sook," she said. "What were you saying?"

"That you're making me sad," Sookie reported.

"Well, thanks," Lorelai said sarcastically. "You look nice today too."

Sookie looked up from the onion she was chopping and pointed her knife accusingly at Lorelai. "You did something," she said.

"I did nothing!" Lorelai gasped, clutching her coffee cup tighter. It had been a month since her stolen night with Luke, but she hadn't had the nerve to tell either Sookie or Rory about it. Somehow it was more special, knowing that she and Luke were the only ones who knew that the night had happened. She'd kept her promise to stay away from him, and had instead spent the past month working as much as possible. Rory's spring break visit had been cut short due to a boy, but Lorelai had encouraged her to live her life. Things were finally starting to become less painful, and she had even been cracking a few jokes lately. While her life wasn't as exciting as it had once been, she was at least keeping her head above water, and she was proud of herself for that.

"Yes, you did, and I'm going to find out what it is," Sookie said with a confident nod. She went back to chopping her onion and glanced up at Lorelai before she casually asked, "Do you need a distraction from whatever's distracting you?"

"Yes please," Lorelai chirped as she settled onto a stool. "Gossip?"

"Yeah, but…" Sookie didn't say anything else.

"But what?" Lorelai asked. "Oh, does the baby have six toes or something? Because that's just more to love."

"No, the baby's fine," Sookie said. "No extra limbs, no missing limbs. The gossip involves the L word, and I never know where we stand with it. If you don't want to hear it, that's okay."

Lorelai's spine straightened and the joking smile slipped from her face. "I can handle it," she said bravely.

Sookie looked at her doubtfully. "You're sure?" she asked.

"Yeah," Lorelai said. "I'm sure."

"Okay," Sookie said. "Well...apparently the diner's closed."

"Closed?" Lorelai asked. "Like he's opening late today, or…"

"Closed, closed," Sookie said. "There's a sign in the window, and Patty said she Caesar at Doose's. He told her he's going to be in charge of the diner from now on and he had to close to take care of some things during the transition."

"Transition?" Lorelai asked. "What transition?"

Sookie shot Lorelai a sympathetic look. "Honey, it's looking like Luke's left town," she said. "Something about fulfilling a promise to the town."

"That's ridiculous, Luke would never-" Lorelai trailed off as she remembered entering Miss Patty's during a town meeting months ago to a classic Luke rant.

 _"There's not going to be any debate about whether we're in a relationship, because we're in a relationship!"_

 _"There's not going to be any breakup!"_

Lorelai set her coffee cup on the counter and swallowed hard, trying to suppress the emotions swirling inside of her. "Oh no," she whispered.

"What?" Sookie's voice sounded distant and clouded. "Lorelai, are you okay?"

"It's my fault," Lorelai whispered. Suddenly there were stars spotting her vision and the world swirled around her. "Oh my god."

"Lorelai?" Sookie's voice was even further away, but Lorelai felt her hand rubbing her back.

"I'm going to be sick," Lorelai announced, clasping a hand over her mouth. Her stomach had started to swirl violently, and she felt Sookie pull her hair off of her shoulders.

"It's okay, sweetie," Sookie said gently. "The garbage can is there if you need it. Try to breathe."

Lorelai sucked in deep breaths of air, trying to get control of herself as she fought off the sudden nausea. She squeezed her eyes shut tight, willing herself not to get sick in the commercial kitchen. After a few deep breaths, she swallowed hard and said, "I think I'm okay."

"Are you sure?" Sookie's voice was more focused now, and when Lorelai opened her eyes she saw her friend's concerned face staring back at her.

"No," Lorelai said. "But...I'm better than I was a couple minutes ago."

Sookie nodded slowly and pressed the back of her hand against Lorelai's forehead. "You're not warm, but you're pretty pale," she said. "Maybe I should take you home."

Lorelai wanted to protest, but her body felt tired and weak, and the thought of her bed was suddenly incredibly appealing. "Okay," she agreed.

Sookie's eyes rose in surprise, as if she'd been expecting more of a protest, but she offered Lorelai a sympathetic smile as she helped her to her feet. "I can even stay for a while," she said. "I have a little bit before the dinner rush."

"That's okay," Lorelai said as she followed Sookie out the kitchen door. "Rory's coming home this weekend. Her Friday class was canceled, so she's coming home tonight. She'll be good company."

"Okay," Sookie said, slamming the door of her minivan closed and buckling her seatbelt. "Wow, it's amazing that this thing still fits over my stomach."

Lorelai smiled faintly. "Getting pretty close, huh?" she asked.

"A couple more weeks," Sookie nodded as she navigated down the inn's driveway. "You remember how it is."

"Barely," Lorelai said. "It's been a couple decades."

"Well, I never thought I'd say this, but I'm looking forward to making tampon runs again," Sookie said. "It's a nice monthly reminder that I won't be having any more children."

"Yeah, that's…" Lorelai started to agree, but her brain quickly rewired its thinking as Sookie slid the car through town. "That's a nice reminder," she said lamely as she filed through her memory. "Um, actually, Sook, can you make a stop at Doose's? I need to make a tampon run myself before I head home."

"Maybe that's why you're not feeling well," Sookie commented as she pulled into a spot on the street. "Do you mind if I wait here? You'll be much quicker without…." she stopped talking when she realized that the car door had already slammed behind Lorelai.

XXXXX

"Mom?"

It was hours later that Lorelai heard her daughter's cheerful voice ring through the house. Lorelai quickly shoved the tissues clutched in her hand into the pocket of her sweatshirt and pulled her hair into a haphazard ponytail, trying to look at least somewhat presentable. "Up here, kid!" she called, staring into the mirror on her closet door.

"Hi!" Rory said cheerfully as she appeared in the doorway.

"Hi," Lorelai said, stepping forward to embrace her tightly. Nothing could boost her spirits like a hug from her kid. "I'm glad you're here."

"Me too," Rory sighed. She pulled her sweatshirt over her head and tossed it into Lorelai's hamper. "The water pressure at Yale sucks. I can't wait to have a real shower."

"Well, it's good to know where I rank," Lorelai said.

"Right after hot water pressure, but before a washing machine available during daylight," Rory called as she headed towards the bathroom. "I'll be quick."

"I'll order the pizza," Lorelai said. She was halfway through the order when she saw Rory appear in her doorway again with a confused expression. Frowning, she spoke into the phone. "Forty-five minutes? Great, thanks, Pete." She didn't wait for a response as she clicked the phone off and tossed it on the bed, asking Rory, "What's wrong?"

Silently, Rory held up her left hand. Lorelai inhaled sharply as she looked at the object in Rory's hand, then darted her gaze to her daughter's. "Oh...that," she said lamely.

"Oh that?" Rory repeated, thrusting the EPT test into Lorelai's face. "Don't you think I deserve a little more of an explanation?"

Lorelai sat down on the edge of her bed and tucked her hands between her legs. "You do," she agreed. "Absolutely you do."

"Well?" Rory asked impatiently. She dropped the box to the floor and met her mother's gaze evenly, proving her stubbornness without a word.

"Luke's gone," Lorelai said.

The words were not the ones that Rory wanted to hear, but she adjusted her stance to put her hands on her hips, her eyes not leaving her mother's.

"He promised Taylor," Lorelai continued, pulling her sleeves down over her hands. "When we started dating, he promised Taylor that he would leave town if we broke up, but he said it was an empty promise, because there wasn't going to be any break up. But then of course I screwed up, like I always do, and we broke up, and he left. He left because he keeps his promises. So he kept his promise to Taylor. He left, and I'm here, again, in the same place I was twenty-one years ago."

Rory's face morphed into understanding, and she sat down next to Lorelai on the bed. She wrapped an arm around her mother's shoulder, not saying anything as Lorelai leaned her head against Rory's. After a long moment of silence, Lorelai said, "He should have been the first to know."

"It's true?" Rory whispered.

Lorelai wiped away a tear and pulled back, looking Rory in the eye. "Yeah," she said. "It's true. You're a big sister. Or, you will be."

"But…" Rory looked at Lorelai carefully, then said, "How?"

Lorelai raised her eyebrows in surprise. "Well, sweetie, if we haven't had this conversation yet, then it's long overdue," she said. "When a man and a woman…"

"Gah, stop!" Rory said. "I mean...you guys broke up after Grandma and Grandpa's wedding, right?"

"It was around then, yeah," Lorelai said slowly.

"But that was months ago," Rory said, putting the pieces together. "You would have known by now, and even if you hadn't told me, the pregnancy test wouldn't have been at the top of your trash can, which means that you didn't know before today, or at the latest yesterday, which means that you're less pregnant than you should be and... oh my god!"

Lorelai was watching Rory work through everything in her brain and trying to figure out how to continue the conversation. "Less pregnant than I should be?" she repeated. "Look, I love how unfamiliar you are with this concept, but a girl is pretty much pregnant or not. There's no more or less."

"And you're...more?" Rory confirmed. At Lorelai's nod, Rory sighed in exasperation. "Okay, no joking and no disgusting details, but...I think I need some sort of explanation."

"You do," Lorelai agreed. "Well, I guess the shortest, most daughter friendly version is that about a month ago, after the Fiddler on the Roof, there was a night. I just...well, we just made a bad choice. I thought it was nothing, but clearly it wasn't."

"It wasn't," Rory repeated. "Wow. A baby."

Lorelai smiled as she looked down at her lap, cupping her still flat stomach gently. "A baby," she repeated. "A baby without a dad. Just like you were."

"But this baby isn't without a dad," Rory insisted. "Luke."

"Honey, Luke's gone," Lorelai said.

"But he'll be back," Rory said. "He's left before and come back."

"True," Lorelai said. "But it's been a month, kid. He's never been gone that long before."

"He has to come back," Rory said, her voice taking on the panicked tone it did when she was stressed. "He has to!"

Lorelai took a deep breath. "Look, I'm not saying that he's not going to," she said. "I'm going to track him down. I'm pretty stubborn, in case you haven't heard." At Rory's small smile, Lorelai knew that she was getting through to her. "But I have to prepare myself...and you should do the same...there has to be a part of me that knows that there could be a long time before I do find him. Or when I do, if he's even going to want this. It's Luke, after all. He's not exactly a kid kind of guy."

"But it's his kid," Rory said. "It's you. It's...us. He's always been there for us."

Realization suddenly hit Lorelai full force. In mourning her own relationship with Luke, she hadn't realized that Rory had lost one of the most dependable people in her life. Although she and Luke had never exactly hung out together, Luke had always been there. More than her own dad ever had been.

"You miss him, don't you?" she asked Rory softly.

Rory shook her head immediately, but then sighed under Lorelai's scrutinizing gaze. "Yeah, I do," she said.

"Me too," Lorelai said as she wrapped her arm around Rory. They were quiet for a moment before Lorelai commented, "You know, the baby is going to totally agree with me on the whole Indian food issue."

With a giggle, Rory pulled back. "Not if I have anything to say about it," she said. She looked closely at Lorelai and said, "I'll help you. I know what it's like to not have a dad, and I don't want my sister to go through that. We'll find him, Mom, don't worry."

"This is why you're my favorite daughter," Lorelai declared. She paused and then added, "That's not getting nutrients from a placenta."

"Ugh, don't be gross," Rory requested. "I'm going to go take that shower, then we'll come up with a plan."

Lorelai kissed Rory's forehead, then pushed her to her feet. "Go ahead, kid, I'm fine," she promised. She watched Rory disappear into the bathroom, and waited until she heard the shower click on before she let her smile fade. She moved slowly to the far side of her bed and slid open the night table that had been Luke's. Amongst some items he'd left behind-breath mints, some loose change, a package of tissues, and a couple condoms, Lorelai pulled the plastic bag she'd stashed earlier that afternoon. Two small plastic strips rested inside, still baring the faint pink plus signs. Lorelai sighed, wondering why she thought the results would look different now, and then slammed the drawer closed again.

Resting her hand on her stomach, she moved slowly towards the bedroom door, determined to find Luke.

She couldn't let this happen again.

XXXXX

"Okay, so apparently it's true," Rory said as she eyed the pineapple pizza with a mixture of curiosity and disgust.

"What?" Lorelai asked, handing a plate to Rory and analyzing the pizza with her.

"The weird craving thing," Rory replied. "Pizza...with pineapple? Really?"

Lorelai shrugged and reached for the largest slice. "You were apples," she said. "Apparently my pregnant brain craves fruit."

"Gross," Rory said, but she bravely reached for a piece. She took a bite but refrained from further comment as she reached for a notebook with her free hand. "Okay, let's multitask."

Her slice of the pizza already half devoured, Lorelai reached for her glass of pineapple juice and nodded. "Sure," she said, knowing exactly what Rory was talking about. "Um, I'll start with Liz, I guess. Caesar and Lane, in case he left a forwarding address with them. Patty, if I can do it stealthily enough. I don't want her knowing about the baby yet."

Rory looked up from her meticulous note taking. "Really?" she asked. "You're not going to tell anyone?"

Lorelai set her plate on the table and pulled her feet up under her. "Not yet," she said. "I want to make sure everything's okay first. And ideally, he would know before Kirk."

Realization came over Rory's face at Lorelai's comment. "I guess you can't really put this on hold until he comes back," she said.

"I wish I could," Lorelai said. "But now, I'm going to be responsible this time. Doctor's appointments by the book, whether Luke's there or not."

"When is your first one?" Rory asked as she picked a piece of pineapple off of her pizza.

"Tuesday," Lorelai replied. "And before you say anything, no, you're not going to skip class. You've got finals coming up."

"But-"

"Rory, I don't want to hear it," Lorelai said firmly. "This is my thing. I've done this before, I can do it again. I'm not going to let you give up Yale and let that become second best because your mom's knocked up."

"Fine," Rory said. "But I'm coming home for the summer. All summer. We can shop for baby clothes and I'll laugh at you when you can't get off the couch without help."

"Ugh, don't remind me," Lorelai said with an eye roll. "At least this time I don't have to try to hide it from Richard and Emily."

Rory was quiet as she took another bite of pizza. When she swallowed, she asked, "So, are you going to…"

"No."

"Mom, they're going to want to know," she said. "This is huge."

"Well, it's Mom's fault he's gone," Lorelai said. "This is different, Rory. She had no right to do what she did."

"I'm not saying that she did," Rory said. "And I'm still upset with her too. But this is their grandkid. Even if we weren't close when I was little, I still knew they were there."

Lorelai pointed to the list. "Add the bank to the list," she said. "Maybe I can bribe Margie with chocolate to tell me where Luke's credit card charges are going."

"But-"

"Rory, I'm not budging on this," Lorelai said stubbornly. "Let's get back to the most important thing."

"Fine," Rory said. She looked down at the list, then said, "At the risk of bringing up more people you tend to argue with, there's someone else who might be able to help."

"I don't think Michel's going to be much help in this situation," Lorelai said.

"I meant Jess," Rory said softly. "I know things ended badly with me, but he and Luke seemed better. I can call him and ask if he's…."

"No," Lorelai said. "I'm not going to put you in that position."

"I'm offering," Rory said. "Really, it's probably the most likely place he went."

"There's no way Luke's hiding out in New York City," Lorelai countered. "He's probably in the woods fishing somewhere."

"But Jess might know," Rory said.

"I'm not going to make you face him again," Lorelai said firmly.

"It's for the baby," Rory insisted.

"And like it or not, you're always going to be my first baby," Lorelai said. "Look, I know you're grown up, but this kid is not going to replace you. I'm not sure what it will be like to be a mom to two kids, especially when there's an age gap the size of the Grand Canyon between the two of you, but the one thing I do know is that I'm not going to put you in a difficult situation for her sake."

Rory tapped her pen against her notebook for a moment, then sighed. "Okay, why don't we leave this as a last resort?" she proposed. "We'll talk to Liz and Caesar and everyone else, but if that all comes up dead, then I'll call Jess. You have to admit, a thirty second phone call with him would be better than never finding out where Luke is."

"Last resort," Lorelai agreed.

"Thank you," Rory said, adding the name to her list. "When are you going to start?"

"Tomorrow," Lorelai sighed. "Liz and TJ are probably leaving for the faire soon, so I'll call her in the morning and ask her what she knows."

Rory sighed as she placed her empty plate on the table and rested her head on Lorelai's shoulder. "Are you scared?" she asked.

"A little," Lorelai admitted as she wrapped an arm around Rory's shoulders.

"But excited?"

"That too."

"It's really happening," Rory sighed. "A sister, a real one."

"Have you been hiding an imaginary sister all these years?" Lorelai asked.

"No, I just mean, your baby, is like really going to be my sister," Rory said. "Not like Gigi who's only my kind of sister."

Lorelai had forgotten about Christopher's second daughter, the one he had chosen over them. Once upon a time the knowledge had stung, but now she felt nothing. If Christopher had stayed, Lorelai never would have had those precious few months with Luke, and the baby growing inside of her wouldn't exist.

Swallowing her emotions, Lorelai smoothed Rory's hair back from her head and said, "You know, if we keep calling the baby a girl and it turns out to be a boy, we're going to have to put in some serious make up time."

"A boy?" Rory frowned as if the word was completely foreign to her. "You think it's a boy?"

"I'm just saying, it could be," Lorelai said. "And it's Luke's kid, so he could come out ready to go fishing and toss a baseball around the yard."

"Good luck with that."

"Thanks a lot."

"Hey, I'll be a good sister," Rory defended. "I'll even send him flannel every year for his birthday."

With a laugh, Lorelai settled deeper into the couch. "I'm glad you're home," she said. "It feels more real now that I've told you."

"Now we just need to find Luke," Rory said.

"Yeah," Lorelai agreed, wishing that was the easy part. "We just need to find him."

XXXXX

"Thanks again for the coffee," Lorelai said as she cradled the mug of hot liquid and curled into Liz's couch the following morning.

"Oh, of course!" Liz said. "It's not as good as Luke's, but he's never trusted me enough to tell me his secret."

Lorelai smiled faintly and took a sip of coffee, preparing herself to get down to business. "So," she said carefully. "Speaking of the man we have in common…"

"Man, I was so disappointed when you guys broke up!" Liz interrupted. "He was so smitten with you, and I was so excited, thinking that you would have been my sister. I always wanted one, you know."

"Yeah, it wasn't exactly the way I wanted things to happen," Lorelai said. "I know he left town, and the word on the street is that he's gone for good. Have you...do you know where he is?"

"Nah, he just told me he needed to clear his head for a bit," Liz said. "I'm not sure if he even knew where he was going."

Disappointed settled deep in Lorelai's stomach and she tried to swallow down the nausea threatening to surface. She'd been hoping that everything would click into place with the first stop of her Find Luke mission.

"Oh," she said flatly. "I know he probably doesn't want to talk to me or hear from me, but I really need to tell him just one more thing. Is there anywhere you think he'd go? Where does he usually go when he does this?"

"Well, we used to have a cabin up in Maine," Liz said, scratching her head thoughtfully. "He made some comments about it when we were at the faire last year, so maybe he went there. I'll get you the information."

"That would be great," Lorelai said. "I know I'm asking for a lot, but he's not answering his cell. If I could just get through to him one more time, I'll leave you alone."

"Don't be silly!" Liz said as she scrawled on a piece of paper. "My brother can be stubborn, but there's no reason that you and I can't still be friends."

Lorelai took the paper and offered Liz a grateful smile. "I'd like that," she said. "And thank you for this."

"I hope he's there," Liz said. "Like I said, I don't know if that's where he went, but it's worth a try."

"It's more than I had before," Lorelai agreed. She reached for her bag and stood. "I'll let you go, but thanks again, Liz. You have no idea how much I owe you."

"If you talk to him, tell him I miss him," Liz said. "Go figure, TJ and I move here to be close to him, and he leaves. I'm trying not take it personally."

"I don't think you should," Lorelai said. "It's all to do with me."

Liz offered Lorelai a long hug. "I've known Luke my whole life," she whispered. "He's stubborn, but he's also fiercely loyal. There's no way he's going to stay away forever."

Lorelai squeezed her eyes shut as she returned the hug. "I hope you're right," she murmured. "God, I hope you're right."

Stepping out into the warm air, Lorelai was able to feel the start of spring in the air. She slipped her sunglasses off of her head and onto her face, then began to stroll towards town. At the gazebo, she stopped and stared across the square to the diner, willing a peek of a blue hat in the window, or a green truck to amble around the corner. Neither appeared, and Lorelai reached into her pocket for the piece of paper Liz had scrawled then into her purse for her cell phone.

Her heart pounded in her chest as she listened to the phone ring on the other end of the line. After too many rings, she hung up and then dialed speed dial three, second only to Rory and her voicemail. An automated voice message picked up immediately, telling Lorelai that the phone was still shut off.

"Hey, Luke, it's me again, Lorelai," she said lamely. "I know I left you a message last night, and I don't even know if you got that one. Please just...call me. I know I've done this before, I know I've said this before, and I know I promised I wouldn't do it again. But please, Luke, just call me and let me say what I have to. I can't say what I have to on a voicemail, and so I just...please. Please call me. Soon."

She snapped her phone closed just in time to lean over the nearest trash can, emptying the contents of her stomach as she realized that she was no closer to finding Luke than she had been an hour ago.

XXXXX

"How'd it go?" Rory called from the living room the second Lorelai opened the door to her house hours later.

"It didn't," Lorelai said, dropping her purse on the desk and then throwing herself onto the couch beside Rory. "Mommy's tired."

Rory blinked at her in surprise. "Wow, you look…"

"Okay, from your tone I don't think you were going to finish that sentence using the phrase 'better than Heidi Klum,' so let's just not finish it," Lorelai requested tiredly.

Rory nodded and silently handed Lorelai a Mallomar. As Lorelai munched happily on the cookie, Rory asked, "So... any news?"

"Well, Liz gave me the phone number and address for the cabin Luke and his family used to stay at in Maine," Lorelai said. "There was no answer when I called that number, but I can try writing a letter. Caesar said Luke didn't leave a forwarding address and hasn't called to check in, Patty said that East Side Tillie has had an alert out for Luke's truck, but there haven't been any sightings, and Kirk hasn't eaten anything in two days. He's boycotting food until Luke returns to cook him a tuna and peanut butter sandwich, and by the way, the thought of eating that would have made me puke on Kirk's shoes even if I wasn't pregnant."

"I'll eat to that," Rory said tapping her half-eaten cookie against Lorelai's in a mock toast. "So what's next?"

Lorelai sighed and buried her head in her hands. "Rory, I don't know," she said. "I'll write him a letter to the cabin, but it's entirely possible that it will be delivered to some ax wielding psychopath who's hiding out in Luke's cabin while the police try to solve a gruesome set of serial killings."

"Wow, pregnancy's making you dark and twisty," Rory commented.

"Yeah, well, you try having two unplanned pregnancies with guys who abandon you and report back to me about how happy the world seems," Lorelai grumbled as she covered her face with a pillow.

"No, thanks."

"Good girl."

Rory was quiet for a moment before she asked, "What about the owner of Snoopy's?"

Lorelai lifted the pillow from her head. "Uh, if Luke didn't tell Liz where he went, I doubt Charles Schwartz got the message," she said.

"No," Rory rolled her eyes. "Luke's friends, who own the restaurant? We went there with Luke on the last night of my Christmas break."

"Sniffy's," Lorelai commented. She went still for a moment before she nodded. "Yeah, maybe they know something."

With renewed energy, she bounded to her feet and reached for her purse. "Come on, we're going for a drive!" she announced.

Rory ran after her mother, barely pulling the passenger door closed before her mother was backing out of the driveway.

"I should have thought of them!" Lorelai said as she barreled down the backroads of Connecticut. "Of course Luke would tell them where his is. This is it, kid, they're definitely going to know exactly what I should do."

"Hopefully," Rory agreed, glancing at her mother out of the corner of her eye.

"No, they'll definitely know," Lorelai declared. "Luke loves them, he wouldn't want Maisie to worry. Just think, in a couple of hours, I'll be able to explain everything to him."

Rory nodded quietly, hoping Lorelai was right. It was clear that this was Lorelai's last straw, and Rory wasn't sure what would happen if it led to a dead end.

When Lorelai pulled into the parking lot of Sniffy's, Rory opened the door and hopped out, and was halfway through closing the door when she realized that Lorelai remained frozen behind the wheel of the car. "Mom?" she asked. "Aren't you coming?"

Lorelai didn't say anything, and Rory slid back into the seat, resting a hand on Lorelai's arm. "Mom?"

"What if they don't know anything?" Lorelai whispered, turning to look at Rory. Tears filled her eyes, and Rory wasn't sure she had ever seen Lorelai look this scared. She had a sudden flash of what it must have been like for her mother to find out about her, all those years ago, but she quickly pushed it aside.

"You have to go in," Rory insisted. "You'll regret it if you don't."

"What if I can't find him?" Lorelai murmured, fear lacing her voice. "Rory, what if I have to do this alone again?"

"You won't," Rory said confidently. "We'll find him, Mom. And until we do, you won't be alone. You'll have me."

Lorelai inhaled a sharp breath and steeled herself, preparing to put on her mask. Rory could almost see the change in her demeanor, but before Lorelai transformed completely, she turned to offer Rory a shaky smile. "I love you, did you know that?"

"I had a suspicion," Rory confirmed. She leaned over and kissed Lorelai's cheek, then asked, "Ready?"

Tucking her hair behind her ears, Lorelai took a deep breath and then nodded. "As I'll ever be," she nodded.

When she pushed the door to Sniffy's open a moment later, Lorelai smiled fondly. Her eyes were automatically drawn to the table in the corner where she'd first seen Luke's romantic side, and closed her eyes as the memory washed over her.

 _This thing we're doing, you, me...I'm all in._

Her eyes snapped open as she realized now how untrue those words had been. Nausea started to rise in her, and she pressed a hand to her mouth to try to stifle it.

"Mom, are you okay?" Rory's voice was distant and fuzzy.

Lorelai sucked in big gulps of air as she braced herself against the wall. "I think so," she said after several moments. "Just part of the joys."

"Lorelai!" Maisie's voice floated over before Rory could reply, and Lorelai immediately found herself engulfed in Maisie's embrace. "It's been too long since we've seen you. I'm so glad you're here!"

"Hi, Maisie," Lorelai murmured, hugging her back. Aside from Mia, Maisie was the most maternal figure she'd ever known. She'd always loved that if she couldn't meet Luke's parents, Buddy and Maisie were a close second.

"And Rory, it's good to see you too, dear," Maisie said, offering Rory a hug of her own. "How is school?"

"It's good," Rory said politely. "Almost done with sophomore year."

"Well, that's wonderful," Maisie said. She glanced towards the door and asked, "Is Lucas parking the car?"

Lorelai's eyes widened at the implication, and she swallowed hard, willing herself not to get sick. "Uh, no," she said. "Just a mother/daughter dinner tonight."

"How nice," Maisie said with a warm smile. "Enjoy it while you can. I wish I had cherished moments alone with my girls more before they grew up and went out into the world."

She chatted as she led Lorelai and Rory to a small table in the corner, thankfully not within sight of the cozy booth Lorelai had often shared with Luke. "We'll bring you a bottle of champagne to celebrate your evening."

"Oh, um, actually," Lorelai said without thinking. "Just iced tea."

"I'm not twenty-one yet," Rory quickly intervened.

"Of course," Maisie said with a smile. "I'll be back shortly."

"Nice save," Lorelai said gratefully.

"You have to ask her," Rory insisted.

"Do I?" Lorelai asked. "It's obvious Luke hasn't been around. She thinks we're still together. They won't know anything."

"But what if they do?" Rory insisted. "What if they know exactly where he goes for his dark days or whatever and you don't ask? Before you know it, your baby is twelve years old and asking questions about her dad. Luke will come back to town and you'll have to tell him that you didn't even do everything you could to find him. And then my sister will have all kinds of resentment issues, and by then I'll probably be working for CNN, so I'm really not going to have time to fly back to Stars Hollow just to make sure she knows she can turn out normal even though our mother is completely insane."

Lorelai frowned. "You're mean."

"If you don't ask, I will."

"Really mean!"

Rory shrugged as she flipped open the menu. "I learned from the best."

Maisie returned before Lorelai could respond, and shook her head slightly. "Oh, honey, there's no need to look at the menu. Buddy's already been alerted that we have special guests tonight, and he's got something really special cooking."

"Thanks, Maisie." Lorelai took a long sip of her tea, then glanced around the nearly empty restaurant. "Um, I actually wanted to talk to you about something. Do you have a couple minutes to sit down?"

"Sure." Maisie pulled out the chair beside Rory and looked carefully at Lorelai.

"Wow, okay, this is hard," Lorelai said. "Usually words aren't a problem for me, but suddenly I feel like I'm fifteen again and my mom found my stash of tootsie rolls in my desk. Of course, she had no idea that there was a half a bottle of tequila under the tootsie rolls, but the candy was bad enough in her world. She sat me down and lectured me about..." She caught Rory's warning gaze and nodded efficiently. "Right, okay, getting back on topic." She inhaled sharply and said, "Um, Maisie, I'm really sorry to have to tell you this, but Luke and I... we haven't been together for a while now. About two months, I guess." It was hard to believe it had been that long.

Maisie's smile fell and she reached out to touch Lorelai's arm. "What happened?" she asked gently. "I've never seen Lucas the way he was around you. Both of you. When you came in for dinner in January, the three of you were the picture of a happy family."

Lorelai nodded slowly, and noticed Rory fidgeting with the napkin in her lap. "Well, things happened, and I just...he didn't feel like he belongs in my world," she said simply. "So things ended, but now I really need to find him. I don't want to intrude on his space or anything, but I just need to tell him one thing. I've tried everything. Liz, Caesar, Miss Patty. But I thought he might have come to see you or called you, or told you where he is."

Maisie frowned. "You mean he's not in Stars Hollow?" she asked.

"No," Lorelai said. "He left a couple weeks ago. It's a long story that involves town meetings and ribbons, but...he turned the diner over to Caesar and didn't tell anyone where he went. Liz gave me the number of a cabin he used to go to, but I couldn't get an answer. He's not picking up his cell, and I really need to talk to him."

"I'm sorry, dear, but I haven't heard from Lucas in weeks," Maisie said with a sympathetic smile. "Now I know why, I suppose."

Lorelai sighed in defeat. "Yeah, I guess," she said.

Maisie looked at Lorelai carefully for a moment before she leaned forward. "Lorelai, I've known Lucas his entire life," she said. "And if there's one thing that boy does well, it's avoid emotions at all costs."

"Don't I know that," Lorelai sighed.

"But I also know that he feels very deeply," Maisie said. "You didn't know him before, but he was such a wonderful boy. Curious, excited, and charming. But after his mother died, poor William lost it. He wasn't able to even get himself out of bed in the mornings, and it fell to Luke, all of twelve years old, to manage the house, take care of himself and his sister. He asked me to teach him how to cook so that he could make her something besides ham and cheese sandwiches. He was determined to fix everything, and when William began to heal, Luke started to return to the boy he once had been. He joined the track team, got his varsity letter, started working at the hardware store. But then Lizzie started to get into drugs and god knows what else, and William got sick, and all of a sudden, Lucas was alone. He'd tried so hard to hold his family together, but in one way or another, they'd all left him."

Lorelai's eyes were filled with tears as she heard about the pain Luke had experienced in the past, but she didn't interrupt Maisie. Glancing across the table, she saw that Rory was similarly affected by the story, using her napkin to wipe away her tears.

"I don't mean to upset either of you, but my point is that Lucas learned very early in life what loss feels like," Maisie continued. "And just from observing him, he decided that he wasn't going to involve himself in anything that could possibly cause him that same amount of pain. That's why I knew it was a big deal for him to bring you here, Lorelai. He'd never brought a girl here before, and if he was serious enough to bring you to meet us, he was willing to risk getting hurt."

"I never wanted to hurt him," Lorelai said. Glancing down at the table, she murmured, "I've never been good at this."

"Prove him wrong," Maisie ordered, causing Lorelai to look up in surprise. "People tend to leave him. I've never been able to figure out why, because Lucas is loyal to a fault. But it's clear that you still need something from him, so don't give up. Prove to him that he's wrong, that leaving isn't always the best answer."

"But...he's the one that left," Lorelai said blankly.

"Honey, he did that so that he didn't have to watch you leave," Maisie said softly. "Do the hurting so you don't get hurt. Not exactly words to live by, but Lucas's defensive nature is probably what led him to that conclusion."

"I guess that makes sense." Lorelai had been on both sides of that scenario, and she had to admit that leaving was much more appealing that being left. At least in those situations she'd been in control. "You don't...do you have any idea where he could be?"

Maisie sighed and leaned back in her chair. "I wish I did," she said. "And Lizzie, for all her good intentions, probably gave you a phone number that's been out of date for years. Lucas sold their family cabin a couple years after William died, for money to renovate the diner."

"Oh." Lorelai nodded. "I guess that explains why he never mentioned anything."

"Just hang in there," Maisie said. "He's never stayed away for too long. He'll be back soon."

"I wish I believed that," Lorelai sighed.

Before the conversation could continue, plates of food appeared in front of them, and Maisie smiled warmly at both Lorelai and Rory. "Enjoy your dinner," she said as she stood. "And please, come say goodbye before you leave."

"Thanks, Maisie," Lorelai murmured. She stared down at a plate filled with steak and potatoes, but found that she wasn't hungry in the slightest. Glancing across the table at Rory, she sighed and said, "I guess it's just the two of us, kid."

Rory glanced over her shoulder and made sure no one was in ear shot before she said softly, "I think you mean, it's just the three of us, kids," she said, offering a brave smile.

"Yeah," Lorelai sighed, letting her fingers brush over her stomach. "I guess I do."

XXXXX

"For the hundredth time, I'm fine," Lorelai said tiredly into her phone as she turned easily into a parking lot later that week.

"I should have cancelled my class," Rory insisted, her voice taking on the panicked tone that Lorelai knew well. "I could have explained that there is a family emergency and gotten the notes from Paris."

"Rory, I love you, but I promise, this is not a doctor's appointment you want to go to Mommy with," Lorelai said. "There will be talk of internal examinations and menstruating cycles and dates, both due and conception."

Rory was silent for a moment, but then continued to argue. "Okay, it's not something I want to do, but you shouldn't be doing this alone," she insisted. "I hate that I'm not there, even if it's just sitting in the waiting room."

"I'll be fine," Lorelai promised. "When this was you, I managed to climb down a tree in my parents' yard and catch a bus to Hartford without anyone ever knowing. By the sheer fact of existing, and knowing that I'm doing this, you're already providing more support than I had last time."

"Fine," Rory sighed grumpily. "But I'm coming home tonight so you can fill me in."

"Absolutely not," Lorelai said firmly. "Rory, you can't let this interfere with classes. This is my thing, not yours."

"It's our thing," Rory corrected. "And since Luke is still being...weird, I'm all you have."

"I'll have you all summer," Lorelai said. "I promise I'll let you mix my pickles and ice cream and operate the crane when I'm too big to climb the stairs."

"I'm going to hold you to that."

"I'm going to expect it."

"Fine," Rory huffed. "But call me after."

"I will," Lorelai promised.

"And send me a picture."

Lorelai smiled softly at Rory's attempts to become involved in the process of her pregnancy. "I will," she repeated. "Bye, kid. Love you."

"Love you too."

Lorelai hung up the phone and took a deep breath, preparing herself for what was about to come. She closed her eyes, and for a moment she was fifteen years old again, having snuck out of cotillion practice and into the women's clinic next door to confirm her pregnancy. She'd never thought she'd be back here, but she quickly squared her shoulders and looked at herself in the rearview mirror.

"You can do this, Lorelai," she murmured. "You've raised one perfect kid, you can do it again. This time you have a job, and a house, and an entire town to help you. You don't need a husband."

With a determined expression on her face, Lorelai marched into the doctor's office and breezed her way through the paperwork until she reached the dreaded box that read "Father's Information." Her pen hovered over the paper, considering her options.

She desperately wanted Luke to know about their baby. As frustrated as she was by his turned off cell phone and the letter she'd received that was stamped "Return to Sender," she knew that at the very least Luke deserved to know he was going to be a father. And he deserved to hear that news from her. For that alone, she knew she should put his name on the form.

On the other hand, she didn't want a cold, impersonal automated message leaving a message on Luke's voicemail informing him of the test results for his baby. If she left his information, she was taking the risk that he would find out about their baby from a stranger.

Finally deciding that maybe he needed to hear a message from a doctor in order to kick himself into gear, she scribbled his name onto the form, but didn't make it any further before she was called into the examination room.

Once she was settled under a paper sheet, she swung her legs gently against the exam table and waited for the doctor to enter. After a courteous knock, a tall woman about her age entered, her blonde hair pulled into a neat ponytail.

"Hi, Lorelai, I'm Dr. Hanson," she introduced herself with a handshake.

"Nice to meet you," Lorelai said with a polite smile.

"So we ran your blood sample, and it appears that the home pregnancy test was accurate, you are indeed pregnant. Congratulations."

"Thank you," Lorelai murmured politely.

Dr. Hanson raised her eyebrows and then looked down at the folder in her lap. "It says here you've had a successful pregnancy already?"

Lorelai nodded. "Yeah, but it's been a couple decades," she stated. "You offer refresher courses?"

"I see you were quite young," Dr. Hanson said with a warm smile. "Things might be different this time around."

"If you're insinuating that I'm old, I'm going to have to request a new doctor," Lorelai said, relaxing into her joking mood.

"Not at all," Dr. Hanson said. "Last time around, you weren't quite developed yourself. Every pregnancy is different, but now that you're an adult, you'll certainly see different symptoms. Have you noticed anything yet?"

"I've been sick," Lorelai said. "I was never really sick with Rory."

"We can get you some anti-nausea medicine," Dr. Hanson nodded. She glanced down at the chart again, then towards the door. "Are we...is anyone else coming before we do the ultrasound?"

Lorelai swallowed hard, then shook her head. "No, it's just me," she said softly.

"Okay, no problem," Dr. Hanson said. She pressed a call button near the door, then turned to the sink to wash her hands. "My nurse practitioner should be in shortly, and then we can the exam started. I think you'll be impressed with the technological developments since you last had one of these."

Starting to feel a bit more relaxed, Lorelai nodded. "One of my best friends is pregnant too," she said. "I saw her scans. The details are incredible. I could barely make out Rory from my kidneys."

Dr. Hanson smiled as she snapped on a pair of gloves. "I can scan by your kidneys if you want, just to make sure they're still there," she offered.

"While you've got the machine on, it might be a good idea." Lorelai was glad she'd chosen this practice. She was slowly warming to the woman before her, and she could tell that she'd be taken care of throughout the duration of her pregnancy.

A few somewhat uncomfortable moments later, Lorelai had been introduced to the nurse practitioner and was leaning back against the table. She'd suffered through a sharp pain as the internal probe was situated, but then she'd turned to look at the screen to her right.

"Alright, and here we are," Dr. Hansen said softly. A soft gray image appeared on the screen, and the doctor began to move the cursor slowly across the screen. "This is your uterus," she said. "Good shape, lots of room for the baby to grow. And here..." she moved the cursor in a small circle around a tiny dot, "...is your baby."

"Oh, wow," Lorelai breathed. "Hi, baby."

"Baby's a good size," Dr. Hanson murmured to her nurse. She squinted carefully and said, "We're looking at approximately six weeks old."

Lorelai swallowed back tears as she nodded slowly. "That sounds about right," she said. She briefly flashed back to the last night of passion in Luke's bed, how good it felt to be with him in the most intimate way possible, but then shook her head. "Wow."

"Do you have any questions?" Dr. Hanson asked softly.

"When will it be here?" Lorelai asked. "I know I should know, but...I don't think I could do math right now if someone paid me to."

Dr. Hanson smiled. "I know it's an emotional moment," she said. "I'll calculate an exact date later, but we're looking at late November."

"Late November," Lorelai repeated. "Scorpio." Luke's birthday was in November. She wondered if that was a coincidence or fate.

"Okay, last looks," Dr. Hanson said patiently.

"Are you sure you can't keep the camera on forever?" Lorelai asked.

Dr. Hanson shook her head. "Unfortunately, we close at four," she said. "I'll send you home with lots of pictures."

"Okay," Lorelai sighed. She ran her fingers over the image on the screen and murmured, "Bye, baby. I promise I'll give you pineapple tonight for being good."

"Craving fruits is a good sign," Dr. Hanson said as she turned the machine off. "Make sure you're drinking plenty of water, too. Snacking throughout the day may help ward off the nausea as well."

"Okay," Lorelai said, sitting up and adjusting herself.

"You may see some spotting over the next couple weeks," the doctor continued. "Completely normal, but if it gets too heavy, come in right away. We don't want to mistake light spotting for a miscarriage."

The word sent a cold chill down Lorelai's spine. "Is that possible?" she asked timidly.

Dr. Hanson sighed as she took a pile of small squares from a printer in the corner. "It's possible," she admitted. "Most miscarriages occur in the first twelve weeks, which is why a lot of women choose to wait until the second trimester to tell friends and family. But honestly, Lorelai, your baby looks healthy and ready to grow. Make sure you take proper precautions, but at this point I wouldn't consider you a high-risk pregnancy."

"Okay," Lorelai repeated. "So no tequila shots or skydiving. Got it."

"We'll see you back here in about six weeks," Dr. Hanson continued as she handed Lorelai an envelope. "Congratulations, Lorelai. I can tell this might not be what you planned, but I know from experience that unplanned babies are often a blessing. I know mine was."

Lorelai nodded as her hand traveled to her stomach. "Mine two," she whispered. She paused for a moment before she added, "Both of them."

"That's the spirit," Dr. Hanson said. "I have copies of your bloodwork and the baby's measurements in there. There are four copies of the ultrasound picture. Do you want more?"

"No, four is fine," Lorelai said.

"Okay, well, just call if you decide more," Dr. Hanson said. "I'll let you get dressed, and then you can make your next appointment at the front desk."

"Thank you," Lorelai said. "For everything."

Dr. Hanson patted Lorelai on the shoulder with a smile. "I'll see you in six weeks."

An hour later, Lorelai had scheduled another appointment and was seated on her couch, staring at the contents of the folder that she'd spread out on the coffee table in front of her. As she munched on pineapple, she considered her next move. Three of the pictures were already accounted for-one on the mantle, one on the fridge, and one carefully tucked into the mirror of Rory's bedroom, waiting for the proud big sister's arrival home.

The third picture stared up at her like a neon sign. In another universe, the one where Luke hadn't left, this picture was tucked proudly into his wallet. In that universe, Luke had asked for extra copies so he could place a copy in his apartment, in her bedroom, on the wall of the diner next to the phone. In that universe, Luke had held her hand throughout the doctor's appointment that afternoon and had ordered cartons of the freshest pineapple he could find, shipped overnight from Hawaii, no matter the cost.

But Lorelai was stuck in this universe, where Luke was nowhere to be found. Logically, she knew that the alternate reality Luke didn't exist. She knew he hated doctors and that kids made him nervous, but if he had the right to disappear off the face of the planet, she had the right to dream that he would help her through her pregnancy.

Another empty voicemail message in the parking lot had forced Lorelai to accept that he wasn't checking his phone. So she'd stopped on her way home at the craft store and spent too much money on scrapbooking supplies. If Luke wasn't going to listen to her, the least she could do was show him what he was missing.

If he never showed up, she'd have a scrapbook to remember her pregnancy by. She wished she'd done this with Rory.

Carefully, Lorelai opened to the first page of the scrapbook and used the tape pen to fasten the ultrasound picture onto the center of the page. Using her neatest handwriting, she printed underneath the picture in the green felt tip pen she'd purchased:

 _April 3, 2005_

 _First picture of Baby Gilmore_

She leaned back and examined the page before she brought the pen back to the paper for one small adjustment.

 _First picture of Baby Gilmore Danes_

On the next page, Lorelai switched back to her regular handwriting, a loopy combination of print and cursive as she poured her heart onto the paper.

 _Dear Luke,_

 _I don't know if you'll ever see this, or want to see it, but right now I need to have some connection to you. I don't know where you are or why you're not answering your phone, so this is the best I can do._

 _This is our baby. I so wish you had been here today to see this, but I know that you left for a reason. I know that you're done with Stars Hollow and done with me, but if I someday manage to track you down and tell you that you're a dad, I want you to know what I'm feeling in this moment._

 _I feel so much joy, Luke. Our baby is perfect. The doctor says that everything looks good, and that even though I'm sick, it should be a healthy pregnancy. She said that the unexpected babies are the biggest blessings, and I know that's true because of Rory. So even though we didn't plan this, and even though I have no idea how to find you, I want you to know that I'm not going to stop. I'm not going to stop trying to find you, and I'm not going to stop taking care of our baby. Whenever you read this-whether our baby's not even born, or if it's the day of her college graduation-just know that I'll always love you, Luke. You gave me this baby, and for that I'll never be able to let you go. I know you don't feel the same, but that's okay. Because we have a baby, Luke. A perfect, beautiful, peanut of a baby, and that's all I'll ever need from you._

 _Congratulations...you're a dad!_

 _Love,_

 _Lorelai_

Lorelai placed the lid back on her pen and waved a hand over the ink to be sure it was dry before she flipped back to the page displaying the ultrasound picture. "It's okay, peanut," she murmured. "I'm going to do everything I can to find your dad. I promise."


End file.
